Tag: actorsjourney

Why Training Is Important

Chasing The George

It keeps you sharp.

It keeps you fluid.

Stay ready so that you don’t have to get ready.

There’s always more to learn.

There’s always something to learn.

Dancers train. They go to class consistently and work out on the dance floor. The best ones make it look so effortless because they train.

Athletes train. Athletes train. Athletes train. They train so that they can compete and perform at the highest level possible. Optimum. They make it look so easy too.

As an actor, I always want to stay sharp so that I’m not relying solely on my persona or tricks. I never want to feel like I’m rusty or catching up. Training allows me to have a system in place to get the job done. And then to repeat the work over and over again. No guessing work.

Training is also important because as we get older, our casting changes. So we need to start understanding those new characters and how to now play them. We have to step into the shoes of these new characters and understand who they are. How they behave. Training will help us to do that.

Training is fun!

Training gets you to a place where you don’t have to think so hard or work so hard. It’s in you and you work more efficiently.

Training keeps you on the artistic path when the bullshit of life and the naysayers of life want to take you off of it. This is a fucking tough business. No mother-effing bullshit. When I come into class every Thursday night or every Friday morning, I’m re-charged and re-inspired to keep going.

Training allows you to make mistakes and figure out the answers to them. Make the mistakes in class. Fail forward in class. Now, mistakes happen in the outside world too. However, with training, you can manage those mistakes like a pro! And they’ll appreciate you very much for it!

My ideal situation is to be a working, professional artist (actor and writer) working on set and then coming back to class whenever the project is wrapped or whenever we have a break in the shooting schedule. Come back to class. Come back to ground zero. Come back to where it all started. Re-energize and then head back to set.

Train.

Find a class that speaks to you, that challenges you and that has a great, supportive community. Train and take your craft to a higher level of creation, output and experience.

Train.

Cool true story: I was at a small focus group recently and they asked us if we wanted to make an extra hundred dollars. We all raised our hands immediately. The moderator said, “Great! I just need one volunteer to sing a full pop song in front of the group.” Everyone put their hands down except for me. I quickly said, “I’ll do it!” Because of my training, I jumped in and was on “go”. Because of my training, I didn’t question myself or judge myself or be self-conscious any step of the way because I followed my first impression with good-humored inflexibility. I’m a genius unti proven otherwise. Because I work hard and put many hours into everything that I do, I was able to deliver on the spot. Cold. No preparation given. I didn’t have to warm up or make excuses. I started singing “Like a Virgin” by Madonna. That was the first song that popped into my head and I didn’t judge it. Everyone was impressed as soon as I started singing. I connected with each person and sang to them. After I sang only the first verse and chorus, the moderator stopped me and gave me the extra hundred dollars. He jokingly hated the fact that I could actually sing.

Training paid off in this situation-which had nothing to do with acting or an audition…this was a focus group. Training put me on go and I sang really well and I connected with each person. I delivered at a high level and impinged every person in the room.

Week 2 Status Report!

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For a second week in a row, I stepped up my awareness in certain areas of my personal and professional lives so that I can be in alignment with my career postulates. With this increased awareness, and by taking a set of actions, I am stepping into the light and power of my postulates. If I see and want these things for my career, then I need to behave and act in accordance with the things that I see and want. For example, one of my postulates is:

I am a household name infiltrating and conquering mainstream Hollywood through my film acting work and by creating TV and Film content that is just beyond the margin of comfortability (Daring and artistically free content that falls within the wheelhouse of HBO, Showtime, Netflix, The Weinstein Company and other powerful indie studio houses)

I see this postulate. I just have to fill in the blanks to get there. Take the actions to get there. So that when I do become a household name, it’s déjà vu because I already saw it X amount of time ago. But in order for me to get closer and closer to achieving this postulate (and other postulates), I need to have an increased awareness of how to live and operate my life in certain areas. For example, I have to be a leader. I have to be in the front. I have to speak my mind. My viewpoint must be unyielding with good-humored inflexibility. I have to ask for what I want from the people on my team, etc. I have to take actions and vibrate at the same frequency level of my postulates.

So I tackled the same list of actions again from my October 16th blog entry. Again, some of these actions are already a part of my everyday routine. A few other actions are a little more challenging and I need to lean into them more. That being said, I had a little more ease with tackling the challenging actions in the second week than I did in the first week. Moving forward, I have to continue tackling these challenging actions until they become a way of life for me, a part of my routine.

So without further delay, here are the list of actions I took again. This is not a final, comprehensive list of all the actions I take for my life and career. This is just a small sampling of my career administration, with a focus on challenging actions I need to step it up in. The asterisk (*) indicates a challenging action.

To sit in the front row. (Yes. In both of my acting classes)

**To speak my mind immediately. (Yes. Better. Improved.)

**To follow my impulses and instincts. (Yes. Better. Improved)

To lead. (Yes. Taught my ass off in the PDP 1.0 and PDP 2.0 classes.)

To dance while in the passenger seat of a car when a good song comes on or when the driver dances. (I did not ride shotgun this time.)

To spice things up. (Yes. Sunday night.)

To dance in the streets. (Yes.)

To make extra money. (Yes. Two times.)

To be myself without apology. (Yes. In terms of the way I laugh, the things I say, the jokes I say, the way I dance.)

**To hold my own space. (Yes. Much better. Improved)

To dance without consideration at the top of acting classes. (Yes.)

To continue administering my acting and writing careers. (Yes! Yes! Yes!)

To engage in conversation with a new person (Yes. I engaged with a customer at the smog check station, with the tech assistant at the smog check station and with two people at a Halloween party.)

To ask various industry people for something I want. (Yes. I reached out to two TV showrunners to be their assistant.)

To excite my agent again with a new piece of administrative evidence that will push my career forward. (Yes. I sent them my commercial headshot template.)

To be submitted on 3-5 TV series and 3-5 feature films. See below:

TV Series: The Fosters, Silicon Valley, Counterpart, Grey’s Anatomy.

Feature Films: Happy Anniversary, Willie and Me.

To impinge! (Yes. I stood by my Halloween costume concept and didn’t yield from it at the Halloween party. Also posted my concept on Facebook. I also impinged when I taught PDP 1.0 and PDP 2.0. I impinged with an audition I did. Etc. Etc. Etc.)

Here’s What Happened!!!

Chasing The George

So last Sunday, October 16th, I made a commitment to tackle a small list of actions that would help and push me into being the living embodiment of my postulates (The blog entry was titled, “This Week, I Commit Myself”: http://wp.me/p8uI5M-1u)

A postulate is something I see for myself and claim. A prediction. A proposition that requires no proof. Being self-evident. You see something, you work towards it and when you achieve it, it becomes déjà vu. A postulate is a way of life. I have to live my postulates and be them. Currently, I do a pretty good job of living and operating within the realm of my postulates, but I know I can step it up even more.

In other words, if I want to achieve certain things in my life and career, then I need to start living them even more so. Behave as such. Behave as if I already have them and achieved them. So I created this small list of actions to start moving faster towards the completion of my postulates. I already execute some of the actions on this list on a daily basis, while other actions on this list need more awareness and attack.

I committed to doing these actions for a week, and man, what an experience. Many of the actions on this list were easy to complete, but a couple gave me a challenge and I found myself flinching from them.

The areas I flinched on (flinch: to back away, to retreat) was speaking my mind immediately and listening to my impulses and instincts. This is the people-pleaser in me. This is the person who wants to run for mayor and be liked. Many years ago, I was running for mayor big time and trying to please everyone. That shit was so fucking exhausting. It was not fucking realistic. Who has time for that shit? As Bianca Del Rio says, “Not today, Satan, not today.” I’m not about that because it makes me weak and puts me at affect. I have come a long way from that person I used to be.

However, there is probably 9% of that people-pleasing aspect still in me. And that 9% held me back from speaking my mind immediately this past week. I spoke my mind in certain situations, but not in others for fear of rocking the boat and disturbing the waters. That 9% also held back my impulses and instincts in a few situations. Again, to avoid getting into “trouble”.

When I flinched, I immediately busted myself and asked, “Why did you flinch on that?” “Why did you back away?” “Why did you look the other way?” “Why didn’t you speak on that?” “What do you think is going to happen?!” Because when I do speak my mind and when I do follow my impulses and instincts, it’s fucking liberating!! So, I kept calling myself out every time I flinched.

It takes a lot of energy to be a star. To be a leader. To see and be seen. To perceive and take responsibility for what you perceive. To just be. To not fidget. To hold your head up. To be the example. But I want to achieve what I see for myself and so I have to work at it.

The more I do this, the more manageable it will be. So, I will repeat the same small list of actions this week–and beyond–so that the challenging actions become second-nature. A way of life. Again, some actions on the list were easy to complete and is a part of my everyday routine, while a couple of actions were challenging.

Below is the list of actions and my status report for each line item:

To sit in the front row (Yes. I sat in the front of my acting classes. I must always sit in the front row or be in the front of a group.)

To speak my mind immediately (Yes on certain topics and no on others.)

To follow my impulses and instincts (Yes on certain things and no on others.)

To lead (Yes on certain things and no on others.)

To dance while in the passenger seat of a car when a good song comes on or when the driver dances (Yes. This pushes me to be the fool. To be present. To loosen up.)

To spice things up (Yes.)

To dance in the streets (Yes. I danced and skipped down the streets of Sherman Oaks. I also danced while holding 5-pound weights inside of Target.)

To make extra money (Yes. I made extra money on three different occasions. The intention is to create a state of affluence and financial abundance. To know that I can always create money for myself.)

To be myself without apology (Yes. In terms of my point of view, in terms of my laugh, in terms of my reactions to things, in terms of how I dress, in terms of the stand up comedy I recently did, to dance how the fuck I want to dance, etc.)

To hold my own space (Yes and no. Yes in terms of allowing myself to hold space at Queen Mary Dark Harbor Nights, holding my space on the trains and buses, at Trader Joe’s on Sunday during peak hours when the Brooklyn in me went in and out with groceries in FIVE minutes. No in terms of fidgeting. No in terms of looking the other way when a few people looked at me throughout the week. No in terms of not speaking my mind immediately.)

To dance without consideration at the top of my acting classes (Yes.)

To continue administering my acting and writing careers (Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!)

To engage in conversation with a new person (Yes.)

To ask various industry people for something I want (Yes, yes, yes! I asked for advice and leads on self-publishing a book.)

To excite my agent again with a new piece of administrative evidence that will push my career forward (Yes. I emailed him my theatrical headshot template.)

To be submitted on 3-5 TV series and 3-5 feature films (I was submitted on several TV series including: Criminal Minds, Speechless, The Real O’Neals, Master of None, Dear White People, etc. I was submitted on 3 feature films: Skin In The Game, Patriarch, Killer Complex.)

So, here we go again for this week! Round two!

This Week, I Commit Myself:

Chasing The George

To sit in the front row.

To speak my mind immediately.

To follow my impulses and instincts.

To lead.

To dance while in the passenger seat of a car when a good song comes on or when the driver dances.

To spice things up.

To dance in the streets.

To make extra money.

To be myself without apology.

To hold my own space.

To dance without consideration at the top of acting classes.

To continue administering my acting and writing careers.

To engage in conversation with a new person.

To ask various industry people for something I want.

To excite my agent again with a new piece of administrative evidence that will push my career forward.

To be submitted on 3-5 TV series and 3-5 feature films.

To impinge!

A postulate is something I see for myself and claim. A prediction. A proposition that requires no proof. Being self-evident. A postulate is what I see. It’s a way of life. I have to live it and be it. I will do these things above to live out my postulates, to be my postulates. Live them now so that when I eventually achieve them, it will be déjà vu.

On Sunday, October 23rd, I will give a full report on the above commitments.

Creating The Evidence Equals Power

Chasing The George

Creating the evidence seems to have been the recurring theme this past week! I must have told several people that there is no greater joy than creating your own evidence. Yes, I love having representation in the form of an agent and a manager, but there is something really special and powerful about creating evidence for yourself. Evidence that is a direct extension and expression of who you are.

Several times this past week, I said to various people that when you create your own work, people look at you differently. They pay more attention. They take you more seriously as someone who is really about something. They are more interested. You’re standing face-to-face and toe-to-toe with other industry professionals with quality product that you’ve created. You’re in the arena with other industry professionals.

Two days ago, a film that I executive produced, co-wrote and co-starred in, “Human Revolution”, was submitted to Sundance! How freaking cool is that?! We also submitted to the Santa Barbara International Film Festival! How freaking cool is that?! And we have several other film festivals that we are targeting in the near future. How freaking cool is that?! It’s so exciting to get my work out there!

To be able to send people your evidence, your product, is amazing. Whether it be a short film, a pilot script, a sizzle reel for a film, a demo reel, a feature film script, etc. It’s incredibly empowering, satisfying and rewarding. At the end of the day, this product is yours. No one can ever take that away from you. You can stand firmly behind it with pride and joy.

People take me more seriously when they see how involved I am in the 360 degrees of my career. They see that I’m not just a devastatingly handsome face 🙂

My agent, who I just signed with, was thrilled that I write and create my own work. He believes that actors should create their own work in addition to the hustle that an agency provides when they go through the breakdowns, pitch their clients and negotiate contracts. I can create my own work and empower my representatives on our journey together.

A classmate of mine recently printed up a new script she wrote and held it with beaming pride. That’s what I’m talking about! That script is a direct extension of who she is and what she’s about as an artist.

Two classmates recently screened their pilot presentation and they talked about it afterwards with tremendous pride. Hell yeah!

This week, I’m going to push and shock myself with two powerful actions towards the advancement of the script I have written for James Franco (and for MYSELF!) By pushing and shocking myself, I am staying in alignment with the concept of “Chasing The George”. In this way, we can see the week-to-week progression and construction of my journey as an artist.

Armed, Fabulous & Dangerous

Chasing The George

For those of you just tuning in, my blog is called “Chasing The George” because it’s a play on the phrase, “Chasing The Ambulance”. In emergency mode, ambulances will cut through traffic with intention to get to their destination. And because ambulances do this, some people illegally follow behind them in order to get to their destination as well. “Chasing The George” has been and is a weekly chronicling of my journey…my intention to carve out and forward my career…with humor and passion thrown into the mix as well. Get to the destination.

I’ve already shared what I wanted to achieve on a personal level for 2016. Now, I would like to share what I want to achieve on a professional level for 2016. I have spent the last three weeks creating an entire Declaration of Independence (DOIN’) aka a business plan for one of my postulates. My DOIN’ will definitely keep me on the path and keep me intentional. It’ll keep me “Chasing The George”.

A postulate is defined as:

A proposition that requires no proof, being self evident, or that is for a specific purpose assumed true, and that is used in the proof of other propositions; a self evident conclusion, decision or resolution; a self generated truth, a prediction.

So this is the postulate I have chosen and am focusing on for 2016:

Cristela Alonzo, Tyler Perry, Mindy Kaling, Lena Dunham, Jorge Ortiz: Self-generating artists who have carved a name and empire for themselves in Hollywood and in the world.

I presented my DOIN’ in class this past Friday and I am incredibly excited. I am now armed, fabulous and dangerous. My road map for 2016 is clear.

My DOIN’ is on the wall. So if I ever fall off the path or get diverted from it, I just have to look at it again and it’ll put my sexy Dominican & Puerto Rican ass back on it.

I will do everything in my power to get closer and closer to achieving my postulate. The postulate is the top of Mount Everest. I am climbing this mother fucker every day.

I am armed, fabulous and dangerous because my plan is clear.

Cristela Alonzo. Tyler Perry. Mindy Kaling. Lena Dunham. Jorge Ortiz.

Diversity.

Subversive.

Open the closet door to topics people are afraid to talk about.

Actor. Writer. Stud.

Armed, fabulous and dangerous in my acting work, my writing projects, the relationships I continue to cultivate and nourish.

Laugh with Harvey Weinstein.

Selfie with Madonna. Dance with Madonna. Shout out from Madonna.

Eduardo Cisneros.

Vladimir Caamano.

Writing competitions.

Internships. Apprenticeships.

In front of the camera.

Behind the camera.

Engage. Inspire.

TRANSCEND.

James Franco.

My Story Can Beat Up Your Story and Contour.

In demand.

I belong.

Armed, fabulous and dangerous.

The Hustle

Chasing The George

“I’m always so impressed when I see the breakdown of what you’ve done, the minutes, the hours. So just something to consider for your blog in the future is: Taking a screenshot of your week, broken down, so that you’re not just sharing these experiences, but this is evidence of the hustle. Cause it inspires us and I know it will inspire others.”

Thank you to the incredible Beth Pennington for inspiring today’s blog post. I have taken three screenshots of a typical week for me. In these pictures, you will see the work, the hustle. The work speaks for itself. I hope that these pictures will inspire artists to do the same amount of work (or more) because of the following, all-too-familiar story, that I’m about to share. The story that many of us have unfortunately experienced before. These pictures help me to combat the naysayers. These pictures are my weapons against the doubters and invalidators.

My fellow artists, have you ever been in a situation where someone has asked you, “What do you do for a living?” And you reply, “I’m an actor” or “I’m a writer”. And then the person usually replies with a fake response of like, “Oh, an actor.” Their subtext being, “Great. Another wannabe actor.” You hear their subtext and you start back
peddling your answer, “Yeah, I’m an…actor…you know, I act…sometimes…yeah…but I’m a really great bartender. I can make a killer martini!” You start feeling ashamed and embarrassed to be an actor or any other artistic profession you are pursuing.

Then, they continue their invalidating process with questions like, “Sooo, what have you done?” “What have you been in?” “Are you making money as an actor?” “What have you written?” “Have you sold one of your scripts?” “A screenwriter, huh? Are you with CAA?” And the artist starts to sink further and further into the black hole. They feel small and worthless and the invalidator loves that. I used to be that person that was ashamed of saying, “I’m an actor.” I used to believe that in order to be an actor, I had to be working all the time on a professional level. I fell for that awful perception that a person is only an actor if they’re on a TV series or acting in a studio feature film. And that’s just not true.

I have been fortunate and blessed to be with a teacher and school that has taught me about the bigger picture, how to administrate it and how to be the best actor and artist I can be (The Richard Lawson Studios) I am now confident in telling people that I am an actor AND a writer. I have no shame in telling people that this is what I do. Point. Blank. Period.

I have developed a clarity and a work ethic that allows me to treat my career as a business. We are a business. We need to clock in and out like any other profession and put in the work and the hours. We need to know what we want and go after it on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. We need to be about it. Then, and only then, can we have the confidence to say that we are an actor. Or a writer. Or a director. Or a whatever. Why? Because we now have the evidence, the proof, the statistics to back us up and give us confidence.

When someone tries to invalidate me or write me off as “another wannabe actor”, I quickly shut them down with charm, humor and irony. They’ll ask, “So, what do you do for a living?” I reply, “I’m an actor and writer.” Then, they’ll ask with their sarcastic, doubting tones, “Oh yeah. What have you been in? What have you written?” I give them my business card and say, “If you go to my IMDB page, you’ll see what I’ve been in.”  In this way, I’m directing traffic to my IMDB page and simultaneously raising my IMDB Star Meter 🙂 Then, I say, “There you will see the independent feature films, TV series and web series I’ve been in.”  I also continue with:

**I’ve also shot a handful of national commercials from Toyota to The Hartford Financial Services to Verizon

**I’m currently shopping two TV pilots

**I’m currently shopping one feature film and just finished writing another feature film for James Franco

**I’m in scene study class every Thursday night and the Professional Development Program 2.0 class every Friday morning

**I’m targeting different TV shows, show runners, producers and casting directors with tangible results

**I run a blog and post a new blog entry every Sunday morning

**I utilize social media on a daily basis and have lots of fun with it

**I acted in a feature film in April; I have another feature film receiving distribution in which I play a principal character in that; I was offered a principal role in another feature film that is in active pre-production

**I put in an average of 35 hours a week into my career, and that’s on top of my plan B job

**Ultimately, my goal is to be the next Tyler Perry, Lena Dunham, Cristela Alonzo, Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Louis C.K….self-producing artists who create vehicles for themselves

People either shut the fuck up real quick because they see that I’m not just “another actor” or they get really interested and want to know more about me.

So, I’m sharing three pictures of what a typical week looks like in terms of my administration and the amount of time I put into them. Not to show off, but to hopefully inspire. And I’m not just putting in hours for the sake of putting in hours. Rather, every line item and every minute spent is to push a specific project forward. There are no arbitrary actions in my lists. In 2015, I have completed three projects on my plate and just started a new one:

Get a meeting with Creative Artists Agency and Anonymous Content.

(Thank you to the amazing Lindsay Hopper for pushing me to create this project and reach for the top!)

Earlier, I said that these pictures are my weapons because the work doesn’t lie. The stats don’t lie. I can show you everything I’ve done since the first week of January 2015. The invalidators can’t argue against that. They can’t put that down. Every strategic line item of work speaks for itself.

So, fuck the nay sayers. Fuck the doubters. Fuck the invalidators. Fuck the people who want to put you down because you’re doing what they’re too afraid to do themselves. Or because they’re jealous of you and want to bring you down to their level. Fuck them. Don’t let them make you feel bad about being an actor or a writer or a director…a FUCKING ARTIST.

But you will have a better chance of standing up to them when you’re putting in the work and can back yourself up with actions. At least that’s been my experience. When I’m walking the walk, creating the evidence, being about it, putting in the work on a
daily basis, going to class and staying sharp with my craft, and most importantly, HAVING FUN, then nobody can take that away from me.

Before we jump to the commercial break–I mean, the pictures below–I leave you with this amazing quote from Madonna. This was her response to all the critics who continue to write her off:

“It makes me realize how miserable most human beings are and how instead of celebrating that someone could come from nothing and do something with their life, they have to try to tear you down. Because ultimately, people don’t want to be reminded of how little they’ve accomplished in their own lives.”

Let’s continue being the amazing fucking artists that we are! I would love to hear your experiences!

Please scroll down past the tags below to see the three pictures. I’ve taken out the names of some people and some TV shows on purpose. And you can click on each picture to enlarge the text:

Chasing The George

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

On August 22nd, 2015, I celebrated 13 years of living in Los Angeles! 13 years!

It feels like yesterday that I was still living in Brooklyn with my mom. I was at a real crossroads in my life. After 9/11, I knew that life was too short. And I knew that if I wanted to pursue film and TV fully, that LA was where I needed to be. I was so determined to get to LA, that I purchased a one-way airline ticket and didn’t tell my mom that I was moving until three weeks before my scheduled flight. She was so shocked that I gave her such little notice, but I had to make sure that no one, and I mean no one, had time to change my mind.

And in taking all of yesterday to reflect on and to celebrate the last 13 years, one theme emerged. As Madonna said above at the end of her 1995 music video for “Human Nature”: “Absolutely no regrets.”

I have none. I could easily have spent all of August 22nd lamenting all the losses and disappointments, both real and perceived, that I’ve had in the last 13 years. After all, 13 years is a fucking long time and anyone could easily fall into the dark side of regrets and the dark side of the woulda, coulda, shoulda: I could have worked more as an actor, I should have worked more as an actor, I should be at a better place in my life right now, I should have done this sooner, I should have learned that lesson earlier, if I only I knew back then what I know now, etc. But what a waste of time and energy that is.

Again, absolutely no regrets. I’ve never been one to look back…not for too long at least. There’s nothing I can do to change the past. I can only focus on today and how to make it count.

I spent yesterday celebrating how much I have grown as a person and as an artist. Celebrating the fact that I am STILL in the game and that I haven’t given up. I recently saw some pictures of people I went to college with on Facebook and I was shocked by how much some of them have aged. Aged because they gave up on their dreams. They lost that fire, that spark, that thing that made them youthful. That spirit left and life settled in. They are doing other things with their lives now. No judgments. I cast no
judgments. I’m just making an observation. People that I used to have a crush on in college have aged badly or gained so much weight. They’ve let themselves go. Meanwhile I, who used to be so awkward looking in college, have continued to age beautifully both inside and out. I still feel like a big kid sometimes. I’m still connected to my dreams. I still act, I still write, I still dance. I’m surrounded by a fantastic community of mentors and artists who keep me alive, vibrant and focused. Always have since 2002. Always will until the day I die.

When I first landed in LA, I broke down in tears at LAX. Shit just got real. I arrived. There was no turning back now. I came with one suitcase and a leather CD book containing 200 CD’s. I only knew one person out here. I had no job lined up. I had no apartment lined up. I had no family out here. All I had was my faith and determination that things would all fall into place.

And taking a line of dialogue out of the Madonna mythology, I got into a taxi and said, “Take me to the center of everything.” In the Madonna mythology, she arrived in NYC in 1977 with $35 in her pocket. She told the taxi driver to drop her off in the center of everything. So, he dropped her off in Times Square. My taxi driver dropped me off in
Beverly Hills. Now, I know some of you may be laughing, but the universe was quickly working in my favor. The taxi driver dropped me off at an Enterprise Rent-A-Car on Robertson Blvd., one block south of Wilshire Blvd. Little did I know that located just a couple of blocks south of Enterprise Rent-A-Car was the place that would become my second home for the next seven years, the Beverly Hills Playhouse.

I got my rental car and drove away. I turned on the radio and the first song I heard in LA was Kylie Minogue’s “Love At First Sight”. I’ll never forget that. It was a beautiful, clear, sunny day. I was vibrating with excitement. The only person I knew out here was a buddy of mine who I used to work with at a dance club in Manhattan. He was out here with his twin brother on business (I would later discover that their “business” was the escort business and they were marketing themselves as 2-for-1 all-American blond twins!)

They were renting a room at the Ramada Plaza West Hollywood. He said I could stay with him and his brother until I got my own place to live. Twenty four hours later, he got me an interview with the front desk manager and I got hired. I started work a few days later. The universe was taking care of me.  Within a week, I found a place to live in West Hollywood. The universe was taking care of me again.

My second day in LA, I ran into someone I graduated with from Vassar. I told him I moved to LA to pursue acting and he immediately recommended the Beverly Hills Playhouse (which is where he was studying) I called the BHP to schedule an interview. They accepted me and I began classes in the first week of September. I sat in the front row, on the edge of my seat, eager to learn and to be inspired. I could feel a palpable energy in the room that I have never felt before in a class (acting class or otherwise) When Gary Imhoff first walked into the room, the class cheered and gave him a standing ovation. I wasn’t expecting that at all!

I don’t remember if I stood up and cheered as well or if I remained in my seat. But what I DO remember was that as soon as Gary settled into his seat, I leaned back into my seat and I said to myself, “This is my teacher. This is my home.” I just felt it in my heart and in my gut. After the first day of class ended, I walked north on Wilshire Blvd. and saw the Enterprise Rent-A-Car! I immediately became emotional because I knew that the universe was taking care of me. It was a cool moment of experiencing something coming around full circle.

Everything was falling into place. LA was new and exciting. The weather was great. Palm trees galore. I had a place to live. I had a Plan B job supporting my Plan A game. I found an amazing second home at the Beverly Hills Playhouse. Kelly Clarkson was crowned the first American Idol on September 4th, 2002 (and honestly, her win was the only one that truly mattered) Then, within a month, I hated LA. And I would end up hating LA for the first year because I experienced everything from home sickness to hating public transportation to hating that nothing was 24/7 like in NYC. It wasn’t until I got my first car around my first year anniversary, for FREE, that I fell in love with LA. Having a car really turned my feelings around.

13 years later and I still love LA. LA is my home. I’m part of that very small percentage of New Yorkers who love LA and prefer it to NYC. When I fly into LAX, I always feel good to be back home.

Absolutely no regrets. I don’t regret calling every single agent in the agent book in 2002 to receive representation. I don’t regret walking into casting offices to drop off my headshot and resume. I don’t regret any career administration I’ve executed. I don’t regret putting one foot in front of the other. I don’t regret any scenes I’ve put up in acting class in the last 13 years. I don’t regret the personal and professional choices I’ve made. I don’t regret the people I cut out of my life in order to pursue my career. I don’t regret the people I cut out of my life who were not part of my career bus. I don’t regret the friends I’ve made and the friends I’ve lost. I don’t regret all the times I’ve danced in stores, supermarkets, beaches, streets, subway platforms, trains, bus stations, parks, etc. I don’t regret all the times I ran lines to myself in public places. I don’t regret all the times I rehearsed a scene in public with my various scene partners. I don’t regret rehearsing the diner scene from “Biloxi Blues” at the Silver Spoon Diner in West Hollywood and causing such a mess with my amazing scene partner that management banned us forever. Ironically, the Silver Spoon Diner is no longer around, but I am 🙂

I’m still here! I’m still in the game! Yesterday was a celebration of all the good things I have experienced here in LA. A celebration of all the wins and all the growth I’ve experienced. I started my day by doing DanceFitWalk at the Rose Bowl at 8am. I danced my ass off for an hour and a half with my DFW team. Then, I went home and showered and went to the beach to not only celebrate my anniversary, but to join a friend who was celebrating her birthday at the beach as well.

Then, I went to a restaurant and had an early dinner. Then, I bought champagne and put it in the fridge. And then, I ended the night dancing away with a cool friend I’m getting to know.

Celebrating these 13 years was about joy and happiness!

See you soon 14th year anniversary!

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)

Work Ethic Is A Bitch

Chasing The George

Now let’s just set the record straight: I work hard. Always have, always will. Why?

A) I’m Latino, it’s in our DNA. Although, like I mentioned in a previous blog entry, this is one Latino who is not mowing your lawns or cleaning out your pools. Okaayyy. And as a Latino, a minority, I have to work twice as hard as my Caucasian male counterparts. Interesting fact: Did you know that SAG-AFTRA classifies everyone, except for Caucasian males, as a minority?

B) My mother instilled the value of hard work at a very young age. She wanted her children to achieve more than she did. As a result, she was incredibly militant when it came to our homework. She set the tone right away in pre-kindergarten. She wanted to make sure that we were turning in professional, excellent, clean-looking work. And I say “clean-looking” because all of our homework was hand-written on paper with a pencil.

When I was in elementary school, I would always do my homework at the dining room table. I had my Mead composition notebook and #2 pencil. And God bless my mother, because in order to save money and cut down on costs, she would buy me the generic, non-name brand pencils with the cheap erasers. So, if I ever had to erase a mistake, I was fucked because the eraser would smudge the graphite across the word or words I was trying to erase. The cheap eraser never made a clean erase. My mother would come over, see the smudge and then violently snatch the paper off the dining room table. She would then crumple it up in my face and say, “Do it again! You’re not turning in this mess to your teacher!”

My mom never pushed us to perfection, but rather, to excellence. She crumpled up the paper because she knew I could do better. That I could present a better product to my teacher. Was this smudge-filled homework the best work I could turn in? If not, then go back to the drawing board until I created the best work possible. And that philosophy has stayed with me throughout my life. As Richard Lawson would say, “Do Your Best And Forget The Rest”. Did you do your best? If so, great. Now forget the rest.

C) I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Nothing was ever given to me (except hand-me-downs LOL) I worked hard for everything in my life.

So, I work hard. Anyone who knows me knows that.

But MAN, working hard is a bitch. Work ethic is a bitch. This year alone, I’m averaging about 35 hours a week into my career. I hate being the nerd who misses out on countless events because I wanted to stay in and get this scene in my screenplay just right. I hate being the geek who has to schedule his best friend or family member into a 30-minute slot because I have an audition that I’m still carving out. Or because I have a second round of communications I need to draft up and execute for my target list of management companies. Or because I have rehearsal. Or because I have hours of relationship map building to administrate and execute. Or because I’m working on a pitch for another TV series.

I just turned down an invitation to hang out with a hot ex-military guy this past Friday night because I wanted to front load my career administration for the week instead (Friday is the start of the week for me) When I front load my work, then the rest of the week flows beautifully. But again, he was a HOT EX-MILITARY guy. Damn you work ethic! Work ethic is a bitch!

The Friday night before (August 7th), I was up till 12am re-cutting my dramatic reel to make it a stronger representation of my acting abilities. I spent three hours not only re-cutting my reel, but also fixing all the sound levels from one clip to the next to make sure they were all even and consistent. I wanted to make sure that I was creating the best product possible to send out to managers.

I normally wake up at 6am and go to bed at 1am. I hate it. Work ethic is a bitch. I love sleeping. I love my bed. Guys love my bed. Well, they love me more, but they love my bed too. It’s so amazingly comfortable and inviting. You think I want to get up while everyone else is still sleeping? You think I still want to be up while everyone else is sleeping? Sometimes, I’ll drive to a rehearsal or a fitness training in the morning and I’ll see people stumbling out of the clubs.

Work ethic is a bitch.

For the love of God, why can’t I just:

**Dance all day long

**Be at the beach all day long (Well, not Los Angeles beaches…the water is so fucking cold)

**Eat Belgian chocolate pudding from Trader Joe’s all day long

**Drink champagne all day long

**Watch Madonna videos all day long and recreate them…again

**Be on Tindr, Lavendr and Grindr all day long (what is it with these online dating/hook up sites ending with the letter “R”?)

**Hook up all day long

**Have sex all day long

**Travel around the world

**Get a full body massage all day long

**Drive around in a luxury car with friends all day long

**Binge watch different TV shows on Netflix all day long

ETC. ETC. ETC.

But then I take a step back and realize that today is Madonna’s birthday. 57 years ago, on August 16th, 1958, Madonna Veronica Louise Ciccone wassent from heaven and was born in Bay City, Michigan.

Madonna NEVER has to work again in her entire life. She has nothing left to prove. She IS the Queen of Pop. She created the template from which all female (and some male) pop stars draw from. She obliterated the restrictions on what women could do and should be. She changed and crafted pop culture. She was the M in MTV. She has more top ten singles (38) on the Billboard Hot 100 than any other solo artist. She has more number one singles (46) on a singular Billboard chart than any other artist. Forbes named her the richest musician in 2013. She is currently worth more than 800 million dollars. She’s about to embark on another massive world tour to support her latest album, “Rebel Heart” (which is my favorite Madonna album of all time now). She evolves. She progresses. She looks forward, never back.

She can retire TODAY. But since the beginning, Madonna has had a powerful work ethic. She is one of the hardest, most professional, most consistent artists out there. She is a work-a-holic. A perfectionist. She oversees every single aspect of her career…down to the earrings a dancer wears to the nail polish that an extra is wearing on her film sets. When on tour, she does a full run through of every show before the actual show starts at 8pm. She’s the first one to clock in and the last one to clock out. 12 hour-plus days. She has more energy than people half her age. Answering a question on how she continues to amass her fortune and not be taken advantage of financially, she once famously replied, “Because I actually read the contracts.”

She directs feature films, runs a clothing and fragrance line, has written children’s books, raises four beautiful children, builds schools in Malawi, etc.

Her work ethic is INCREDIBLE because she is driven by her purpose, her raison d’être (reason for being or existence) She still has so much to say. She loves what she does. She knows her responsibility and power as an artist.

Hmmm, 57 years old and worth more than $800 million dollars? Still relevant and provoking people to wake up and be better versions of themselves? Maybe work ethic isn’t so bad. I mean, do I want to spend all day getting a massage, or do I want to add another hour to my rehearsal so that at the end of the day, I can walk away cleanly because I did the best work that I could do? I’ll take the latter.

Work ethic is not a bitch. Work ethic is my BITCH. I work hard because I love what I do and because I have something to say. I work hard so that everything I present is the best work possible. I work hard so that I can have pride in what I share with others. I work hard so that at the end of the day, I don’t have any regrets or skeletons haunting me saying, “You should have worked harder. You could have done better.” I work hard because the payoff is wonderful.

Work ethic has been my weapon in staying sharp, ready and current. Work ethic has never let me down. The greats are great and stay relevant because of work ethic. Things move forward and happen when work ethic is involved.

With all this talk about work ethic, I can’t leave out the importance of celebration. I have gotten much better at incorporating celebration more and more into my life. To celebrate the wins and achievements along the way. To do my best work and then celebrate. Celebrations remind me of my progress, my journey and my wins. Large wins, small wins, celebrate them all. I have purchased art work, gotten massages, purchased champagne, etc. to mark my wins.

For example, I mentioned earlier that I front-loaded my work this past Friday night. And guess what? That hot ex-military guy reached out again today to hang out. This time, I said “Yes.” I can afford a celebration tonight for the work I did on Friday.

“Holiday! Celebrate!”

Thank you Madonna and Happy Birthday.

I Can’t Act!

Chasing The George

On August 2nd, 2015, my scene partner and I began our first rehearsal for a scene we’re putting up in class. We met at a neutral midway point since we both live far away from each other. And “neutral” meaning no coffee shops and no restaurants. Somewhere where we could sit down with minimal to no distraction and start digging into our scene work.

We settled on a small park that was inhabited by a handful of people. It was a very quiet park and we both knew this was a perfect setting for our first rehearsal. We sat on the lawn and became really excited to start working together on this powerful scene. We pulled out our scripts and before we even read one line, we talked about the movie: Our observations; our relationship to each other as these characters; where in the movie this scene took place so that we understood the magnitude of the event and evaluation of what was going on; questions that I had; questions that she had; we talked about how to effectively rehearse and what today’s rehearsal would encompass.

Everything was going great! We were quickly getting on the same page. We were bouncing ideas off of each other. We were very “yes, and…” Meaning that we were building upon our ideas: “Yes, that’s great and how about…”, “Yes, and I can bring this…”, “Yes, and if I do this, then…”

Again, everything was going GREAT…

…Until we read the scene for the first time.

OH MY FUCKING GOD! I WAS SO AWFUL. As soon as I started saying my first line, I was like, “I should quit acting right now. Who the fuck am I kidding? I’m terrible! I can’t act.” That’s right. I said it. I’m a terrible actor and I can’t act. I should just move to Hawaii and open up a surfboard shop by the beach (LOL Does this sound familiar, DawnMarie?) As I continued saying each of my lines in the scene, I could hear discordant piano chords gradually getting louder in my head. Each off-key, jarring chord made my body twitch and jump. My head kept cringing more and more to the left. I could hear missiles getting closer to hitting their target (the target, by the way, was me!) I could hear nails scratching against the chalkboard.

Even WORSE, I could see all of fellow Vassar grad Meryl Streep’s 18 Oscar nominations flashing before my eyes. My eyes crossed. My vision got blurry. I may have even slapped myself to snap out of it and become present again. My scene partner–thinking I was making an inspired, bold choice in the moment–slapped herself as well. I looked up at her and saw Meryl Streep sitting across from me, pointing and laughing hard, while she was surrounded by her 3 Oscars, 8 Golden Globes, 2 SAG Awards, 2 Primetime Emmys and countless other awards. And just when I was about to lose my mind, we finished reading the scene.

Depleted, exhausted and shaking, I looked up at my scene partner and said, “That was really cool. Let’s read it again.”

LOL!

What I just described is an interesting phenomena that occurs 80% of the time when I first pick up a script for scene study class or sides for an audition. The first read through is so horrendous and I always question my abilities as an actor. Does anyone else experience this? If so, I’d love to know why it happens to you too. And look, I’ll be honest, Meryl Streep has never laughed at me, but I’ve heard and experienced those discordant piano chords. I think part of it has to do with starting from scratch. I’m picking up a script again for the first time and embarking on a brand new, unknown journey. I’m starting with a clean, blank slate that I now have to start filling in and piecing together bit by bit. It’s that first step into the unknown that is the worst.

Bottom line: Can I build another scene from scratch again and deliver a fully-realized performance? (Even though I have delivered fully-realized performances countless times before.) Will this finally be the scene where people discover that I can’t act? That I am a sham artist? That I am a fake?

However, by the second read through of the script or the audition sides, I feel better (That’s how I felt when my scene partner and I read through the scene again.) I got through and survived the first read. I got it out of my system and no longer felt this expectation to deliver an Oscar-winning performance. I am now open to actually receiving what’s on the page. And then I read the script or audition sides a third time. And then I read it again. And again. And again. Each time, I gain more understanding of what’s happening. I know which questions to ask. The picture comes into focus more and more.

I believe another reason for this phenomena is that I want to know and have all the answers right away. Instead, I have to remind myself that part of the journey with rehearsing a scene or preparing for an audition is the willingness to have patience and not know the answers right away. To trust that by doing the work, the answers will eventually come. The “ah ha” moments will hit me along the way.

And like I mentioned earlier, this phenomena doesn’t always happen. There is that remaining 20% where I immediately connect with a new scene and I know exactly what’s going on and how to play it. Interestingly enough, however, whenever I have to do a cold reading at an audition (where the casting director gives you the sides on the spot and you have a few minutes to look them over), I DON’T experience this phenomena. With cold reads, I put no pressure or expectation on myself because it’s a COLD read. I know that they know that the performance I’m delivering is based upon the few minutes I’ve spent with the sides. I have a few minutes tops to figure out what’s going on in the scene, what’s the relationship between my character and the other character(s) in the scene and to make one or two strong choices that supports the story.

My scene partner and I have had more rehearsals since our initial one and I am having fun with the process. I am gaining more clarity and certainty with the scene and with my character. I am honoring my genius and instincts. The unknown is no longer an issue and doesn’t scare me anymore. I am piecing together the wardrobe of my character and have taken my character public on two occasions so far. By taking the character public and interacting with people, I’m enhancing my belief as this character. If the public believes who I am, then my belief is enhanced as well.

We are exploring subtext. We are figuring out WHY we are saying each line. We are looking at the chapters in the scene (a new chapter occurs when there’s a dynamic shift in the scene). We are looking at our relationship. What makes this night different from other nights? What’s the moment before? What is this moment about over here? Why do I turn off the music? I bonded with my scene partner’s child this past Monday for a few hours because in this scene, I’m arguing with my sister about the way she’s raising her child (my nephew). I need a nephew. I need to have a real kid that I can connect with and fall in love with and fight for. My scene partner and I even took a picture with him so that I can frame it and make it part of our set (Specifics equals belief) We had another great rehearsal today where we connected to what the scene was about!

So our rehearsal process is progressing beautifully.

What allows me to build confidence in my work is a set of solid training tools which helps me to create and construct things from scratch. To take words on a page and bring them to life. Tools are vital. Without them, you’re fucked. You’re kind of hoping and praying that you’ll get lucky and deliver a great performance. And let’s say you DO deliver a great, solid performance. Great! But you have no idea how you did that. How you got there. So, when you’re asked to repeat it either by an acting teacher, a casting director or a film director on set, you’re fucked because you don’t know how to repeat that experience or moment. You were just winging it. I’m glad I have tools to work with to help me understand how I got there and how to repeat a performance. I have structure that helps me be free and play within it. I’ve done the work. Now I can go play.

So whatever your acting training is or wherever you currently study, use those tools to embark on the journey of the unknown and into the known.

And yes, I CAN act. See you soon, Meryl Streep.