Here’s What Happened!!!

So last Sunday, October 16th, I made a commitment to tackle a small list of actions that would help and push me into being the living embodiment of my postulates (The blog entry was titled, “This Week, I Commit Myself”:

A postulate is something I see for myself and claim. A prediction. A proposition that requires no proof. Being self-evident. You see something, you work towards it and when you achieve it, it becomes déjà vu. A postulate is a way of life. I have to live my postulates and be them. Currently, I do a pretty good job of living and operating within the realm of my postulates, but I know I can step it up even more.

In other words, if I want to achieve certain things in my life and career, then I need to start living them even more so. Behave as such. Behave as if I already have them and achieved them. So I created this small list of actions to start moving faster towards the completion of my postulates. I already execute some of the actions on this list on a daily basis, while other actions on this list need more awareness and attack.

I committed to doing these actions for a week, and man, what an experience. Many of the actions on this list were easy to complete, but a couple gave me a challenge and I found myself flinching from them.

The areas I flinched on (flinch: to back away, to retreat) was speaking my mind immediately and listening to my impulses and instincts. This is the people-pleaser in me. This is the person who wants to run for mayor and be liked. Many years ago, I was running for mayor big time and trying to please everyone. That shit was so fucking exhausting. It was not fucking realistic. Who has time for that shit? As Bianca Del Rio says, “Not today, Satan, not today.” I’m not about that because it makes me weak and puts me at affect. I have come a long way from that person I used to be.

However, there is probably 9% of that people-pleasing aspect still in me. And that 9% held me back from speaking my mind immediately this past week. I spoke my mind in certain situations, but not in others for fear of rocking the boat and disturbing the waters. That 9% also held back my impulses and instincts in a few situations. Again, to avoid getting into “trouble”.

When I flinched, I immediately busted myself and asked, “Why did you flinch on that?” “Why did you back away?” “Why did you look the other way?” “Why didn’t you speak on that?” “What do you think is going to happen?!” Because when I do speak my mind and when I do follow my impulses and instincts, it’s fucking liberating!! So, I kept calling myself out every time I flinched.

It takes a lot of energy to be a star. To be a leader. To see and be seen. To perceive and take responsibility for what you perceive. To just be. To not fidget. To hold your head up. To be the example. But I want to achieve what I see for myself and so I have to work at it.

The more I do this, the more manageable it will be. So, I will repeat the same small list of actions this week–and beyond–so that the challenging actions become second-nature. A way of life. Again, some actions on the list were easy to complete and is a part of my everyday routine, while a couple of actions were challenging.

Below is the list of actions and my status report for each line item:

To sit in the front row (Yes. I sat in the front of my acting classes. I must always sit in the front row or be in the front of a group.)

To speak my mind immediately (Yes on certain topics and no on others.)

To follow my impulses and instincts (Yes on certain things and no on others.)

To lead (Yes on certain things and no on others.)

To dance while in the passenger seat of a car when a good song comes on or when the driver dances (Yes. This pushes me to be the fool. To be present. To loosen up.)

To spice things up (Yes.)

To dance in the streets (Yes. I danced and skipped down the streets of Sherman Oaks. I also danced while holding 5-pound weights inside of Target.)

To make extra money (Yes. I made extra money on three different occasions. The intention is to create a state of affluence and financial abundance. To know that I can always create money for myself.)

To be myself without apology (Yes. In terms of my point of view, in terms of my laugh, in terms of my reactions to things, in terms of how I dress, in terms of the stand up comedy I recently did, to dance how the fuck I want to dance, etc.)

To hold my own space (Yes and no. Yes in terms of allowing myself to hold space at Queen Mary Dark Harbor Nights, holding my space on the trains and buses, at Trader Joe’s on Sunday during peak hours when the Brooklyn in me went in and out with groceries in FIVE minutes. No in terms of fidgeting. No in terms of looking the other way when a few people looked at me throughout the week. No in terms of not speaking my mind immediately.)

To dance without consideration at the top of my acting classes (Yes.)

To continue administering my acting and writing careers (Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!)

To engage in conversation with a new person (Yes.)

To ask various industry people for something I want (Yes, yes, yes! I asked for advice and leads on self-publishing a book.)

To excite my agent again with a new piece of administrative evidence that will push my career forward (Yes. I emailed him my theatrical headshot template.)

To be submitted on 3-5 TV series and 3-5 feature films (I was submitted on several TV series including: Criminal Minds, Speechless, The Real O’Neals, Master of None, Dear White People, etc. I was submitted on 3 feature films: Skin In The Game, Patriarch, Killer Complex.)

So, here we go again for this week! Round two!


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