I Love My Community

Chasing The George

I am privately working with a new actress who is interested in learning on-camera acting and auditioning technique. She sat in as a guest at the Richard Lawson Studios scene study class one night and was really blown away by Richard, his teaching, the scenes that went up and the positive community that was present. She really wants to join the RLS, but because she is currently enrolled in school, her schedule does not permit her to join at the present moment. However, she did express interest in taking private coaching sessions just so she could get a head start on her studies here. Richard, being an incredibly busy person, referred her to me.

We have just finished her second session and she’s doing great. She has talent and potential. I’m excited to be a part of her journey. But what also struck me about this actress is that she told me on more than one occasion that she has no friends.

I did a double take when she first told me this. “You have no friends?” She answered, “No. I have no friends. Didn’t have friends when I was growing up either.” I thought to myself that surely she must be pulling my leg. She’s fucking with me big time. How can this funny, talented girl not have any friends? So, I asked again, “Wait, you have no friends?” She said, “Yep.” And I immediately said, “Girl, we gotta change that! You need some friends!” I proceeded to give her some advice on where and how she could make friends.

I suggested she find drama clubs or other extra-curricular clubs in her school. I suggested she find a strong, female mentor. I suggested she connect with her guidance counselor or program adviser. I told her to do a Google search on free groups that meet around town that focus on her areas of interest. She also goes to church and I told her to befriend the people there and get involved in volunteer work with them.

She acknowledged all of my advice and said that she definitely has tried all of that, but with no luck. I’ve only known her for a short period of time, so I don’t want to dig in any further into what is really going on. But again, I just find it so hard to believe that she has no friends. She said something at the very end of our second session that inspired today’s blog entry (and how grateful I am for my friends and community.) She said that she drove cross-country to move to LA. And along the way, she kept praying that her car wouldn’t break down. Why? Because she literally has no one to call. No one to reach out to if that did happen. She said she would have freaked out and/or died if she was stranded in the middle of nowhere with no one to call.

I want to dedicate this blog entry to my amazing close friends and to my amazing community of artists. I would not be where I am today as an artist and as a person without the strong support of my community. Community is VITAL for any journey a person goes on. Art is a communal thing and you can not do it alone.

Interestingly enough, right before she came over for our private session, I was dealing with a potentially life-changing crisis. I was scared and terrified. I wanted to hide. But because I have a solid core group of friends that I could call on, I got out of my own way and reached out for help. I reached out to hear a friendly voice, to receive guidance and advice, to receive peace of mind, to get my fears and concerns off my chest. There is nothing worse than keeping something inside and letting it fester and build. I called a good friend of mine and he was amazing in terms of providing emotional, spiritual and practical support. I called another friend immediately afterwards and he too provided emotional, spiritual and practical support. But he also added another component that moved me even further towards action and handling what I was going through.

After getting off the phone with these two amazing friends, I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I was armed with tangible plans I could execute to handle my crisis. I was no longer in my head. I was no longer at affect. I was in front of my crisis. I was in present time and proceeded to quickly implement their suggestions. Long story short, I was able to handle my crisis later that day with success. And one of the friends I called earlier offered to be there with me when I did so. Without them, I would have faced a darker fate.

I’m truly blessed that I have people to call. This actress doesn’t. Looking back, I realized two things:

1) I am grateful because I am surrounded by TRUE, ride-or-die friends that I have nurtured and cultivated in the time I’ve been out here in Los Angeles. It has taken me time to really create and manifest the kind of friends I want in my life. These people are my family. And as different as these two guys are, they are similar in many ways as well. They both provided near-identical advice. They spoke the same language. They handled me with love and care. I am surrounded by friends and a community of artists that speak the same language and that take care of each other in beautiful and honest ways.

2) I could have easily called up at least 10 more friends and they would have been just as helpful. An abundance of options. And they too would have spoken the same language that my two male friends did. This is what I mean in terms of really creating and nurturing the type of people I want in my life. There is a common through line that flows through each person and any one of these people would have provided their support without hesitation.

I’ll say it again: Community is vital. It’s why I love studying at the RLS so much. We are a community. We foster and protect that. We understand the importance of supporting each other. Your win is our win. You can not travel on any road by yourself. Pursuing any career takes a group effort. Pursuing life takes a group effort. You can not do it alone.

Recently, Richard gave an ultimatum to a fellow student and friend of mine: Get your apartment together in one week or you’ll be kicked out of class for all time. Basically, Richard put this student on “terrorist apartment”. This was the first time anyone has ever been put on terrorist apartment and it was drawn from the concept of “terrorist theater”.

Terrorist theater was created by master teacher and director Milton Katselas as a way to get actors-who should be working in the industry-working. If an actor had been in class for a while, but hadn’t been working professionally in the industry, then Milton or a fellow teacher would put the student on terrorist theater. The student then had six to eight weeks to book a paid acting job. If they didn’t, then they were kicked out of school for all time. They could never return, even if they won an Oscar. Terrorist theater lights a fire under asses and puts actors at a high level of cause. Because class means so much to them, and they don’t want to lose it, they begin to administer their careers at an exponentially higher level to get off of terrorist theater. They attack their careers in a way that they have never done before. “No” is not an option and they turn over every stone to book a job. It’s all about “yes” and they really understand the hustle it takes to get work. The success rate of terrorist theater is high and I have seen many students book paid acting jobs as a result of it.

So, this student was put on terrorist apartment because they have a long history of hoarding and it was affecting their personal and professional life. Previous soft attempts to handle their problem failed. Terrorist apartment was the final solution. Now, this student is a gem of a person. They put more hours into their career than anyone else. They put up more scenes in class than anyone else. They support their fellow artists more than anyone else. They are very talented and so fucking cast-able it’s not even funny. And so when this student was put on terrorist apartment, I became emotional because I knew how much they meant to me and to the RLS community. This student is like family and I didn’t want to see them go. And it was beautiful to see how quickly people in class rallied together that same night to help the student out. People stepped up and donated their time to support one of their own. I went over to their place with my friend Lindsay and we were there for three hours. It was such an honor and privilege to help and I felt a sense of spiritual rejuvenation. The community came together because this student is always there for them.

Look guys, what you put out there is what you get back. And I don’t mean in a superficial, fake, phony way. Give and support in genuine, loving, caring ways. Give because you care and because you give a shit. Give because that’s what community and love is all about. Because at some point, we will all be in a position where we will need love and help as well.

Find a community. Or build one. Know the type of people you want to surround yourself with and why and make that happen. Community is so important!

I am so honored, blessed and grateful to have my close group of friends, but I am also thankful to have an amazing and inspiring community at large like the RLS. There is nothing more satisfying than giving back and helping because there were times where I needed help and I received it. I remember a time when I didn’t have money for food. I was so strapped for cash. And I’ll never forget the delicious, hearty meals that DawnMarie Ferrara and Nayo Wallace prepared for me until I could get back on my feet. I’ll never forget how KC Sterling and Michael Manuel Sanders offered to design my first apartment in LA and brought my design concepts to life. I’ll never forget Jonathan Mateer for taking me into his home after I broke up with my ex so that I could start a new chapter in my life and heal on different levels. I’ll never forget Angie Russell and Michael Manuel Sanders for giving me rides home after class whenever my car was in the shop. Angie Russell for creating care packages for me. I’ll never forget Geri Atos for buying me a brand new iPad Air so I wouldn’t fall behind on my work when she discovered I was computer-less. I’ll never forget all the times Richard Lawson picked me up when I wanted to quit and encouraged me to go on. I’ll never forget Taylor Hawthorne for stepping up to be the first AD on a pilot I directed. I’ll never forget the countless persons that have hired me as a career administration consultant to put extra money in my pockets. I can go on and on. So there is no greater feeling than giving back.

Now, am I always able to give back? No. And when I’m unable to, I feel awful. But when I do give, I fucking give. Here are a FEW recent examples of me giving back to my friends and community: Being an extra on the set of a fellow classmate’s first short film that she wrote; going to see a fellow classmate in a play; going to see fellow friends in a hilarious monthly show called “Rise and Shine With Bette and Juliette”; giving money to a classmate’s fundraising campaign; texting my friend everyday to make sure she filmed her original character and uploaded the videos onto YouTube; watching and promoting various works by friends, classmates and peers on YouTube, on TV or in the cinemas.

Whether it’s the entertainment business or another business, you can’t go on the journey alone. And in your personal life, you can’t go on the journey alone either. Community is vital. Community is essential. Community has saved me. Whenever Richard talks about the importance of community, he always brings up this quote by American anthropologist Ralph Linton–and I couldn’t agree more:

“All human beings live as members of organized groups and have their fate inextricably bound up with that of the group to which they belong.”

Interestingly enough, this quote can be about positive or negative groups. Hopefully, you choose to create and cultivate positive groups.

Thank you to my friends. Thank you to my community. I would not be where I am today without your love, friendship, care, guidance and tough love.

By the way, my friend got off of terrorist theater! So go win that Oscar now and bring it back home baby!

Why The Fuck Am I Here?!

Chasing The George

It’s always interesting how the topics for my blog entries come up. Sometimes I know ahead of time what my next blog entry will be about. And other times, the topic hits me a day or two before Sunday’s deadline. Today’s blog entry is an example of the latter. I really didn’t know what I wanted to share in terms of my artistic journey, my process, my career wins or my career strategies…until a good friend of mine texted me today and said, “I just got off the phone with Michael. I’m trying to realize what my true raison d’être is. I need some guidance.”

I proceeded to offer my guidance in this area and shared my raison d’être to help her see an example of one that is personal and that resonates. And then it hit me that I would love to share my raison d’être with you all!

Raison d’être translates into “reason for being; the reason for which a person exists.”

I study at the Richard Lawson Studios and one of the cornerstones of the teaching is for students to have and be empowered by their own business plan. At the RLS, we call it a Declaration of Independence or DOIN’ for short. It’s a vital document for all of us to have because it’s the guide and plan of attack for our careers. Every business and organization has a business plan that they follow so that they can build, evolve, thrive and succeed. What most actors fail to realize is that they are a business too and must treat themselves as such. The DOIN’ keeps an actor/artist on track with the help of different components like postulates, goals, policies, administration plans, affirmations, etc.

All of these components are vital, but the most important one is the raison d’être. That is the first component you see in the DOIN’ template. Why? Because it’s your reason for being! Your reason for being on this planet! The reason why you get up every day to pursue the career of your dreams and not a career in another field. Your raison d’être is the engine for the entire DOIN’ and the engine for your life. Your raison d’être sits at the top of your business plan and influences everything that comes after it.

Now, I know some of you may feel a little daunted or overwhelmed with the concept of raison d’être. If someone came up to you and asked you what your purpose and reason for existence on this planet was, could you answer that? I mean, what a big, intimidating question! Can you look someone in the eye and tell them with confidence what your reason for being is? That’s a tough one! That can set some people inward. That can set some people into a crisis. That can scare some people away and make them judge or doubt their entire lives: “Oh my God! Who am I?! What am I?!”

My intention with today’s blog entry is not to scare you away. Rather, my intention is to inspire and to get you to ask the next question in your own discovery of your raison d’être. Unfortunately, I can’t give you a timeframe of how long that will take. It may take someone a few years to discover their raison d’être or it may take them a few days. Or a person may have already known their raison d’être since they were born. But one thing is apparent: when someone is clear about their raison d’être, you see it. You see it in everything they do, everything they touch and they are driven by it.

Look in your universe and identify someone whose raison d’être is clear. I can list many examples from Richard Lawson to Madonna to Angelina Jolie to Jesus Christ. Hell, I’ll even give a shout out to my ex. He’s a hair stylist and when I would see him work, whether it was at the salon or on set, I could see and feel his passion and joy. And in turn, every person that he came into contact with also felt his passion and joy. I could see his craftsmanship and how he treated everyone like a star. And in turn, every single one of his clients left feeling like a better person. He was BORN to be a hairstylist and he’s clear about WHY he does hair: To make people feel confident, rejuvenated and beautiful on the inside and out.

It has taken me a few years to discover my own raison d’être. It has taken trial and error, asking the next question and taking an honest look at what I’m interested in, who and what I’m turned on by, what I’m attracted to, what makes me light up, what infuses me with energy, etc.

My raison d’être influences everything from my postulates (self-generated truths; predictions) to the TV series and feature films I write to the scenes I put up in class to the people I want to work with. It influences the way I dance and the way I act (both onstage and off) For those who know me really well, you will see ME reflected in my raison d’être. You’ll know why I am sometimes eccentric and left of center; why I’m drawn to sexuality and sensuality and unconventional relationships in stories; why I’m drawn to and collect certain types of artwork; why I like to be subversive on an intellectual and primal level; why my stand up comedy is so wrong it’s right; why I am drawn to the masculine and feminine sides of me; why I hate middle-class thinking and behavior. You’ll get what makes me get up every day to pursue my career.

In a nutshell, I was put on this planet to open the closet door. And not just in terms of LGBT stories, but stories that people are uncomfortable with and don’t want to talk about. Let’s open that closet over there and talk about that gritty thing inside of it. Open the closet door to a different form of beauty. Open the closet door to different stories and faces. Open the closet door to wake people up and think! I’m drawn to the fringe and to the unconventional. Give me The Weinstein Company, HBO, Showtime, Netflix, Fox Searchlight, Annapurna Pictures, Sony Pictures Classics, etc. They push the envelope and are not afraid to get dirty.

SOME of my favorite films of all time include Fruitvale Station, Precious, Soldier’s Girl, Transamerica, Black Swan, Dallas Buyers Club, White Bird In A Blizzard, Gun Hill Road, Birdman, Normal, The Fighter, Raising Victor Vargas, Zero Dark Thirty, I Like It Like That, Quinceañera, Inception, Lars and the Real Girl, The Rocky Horror Picture Show and all of Quentin Tarantino’s films. Different, ground-breaking, bold, daring, unconventional, raw, gritty, unapologetic.

Here is my raison d’être:

I was always in love with film since I was a kid. I loved how magical film was in transporting people to another place, in teaching people something, in making people feel. However, I didn’t see myself up there. I didn’t see anyone who looked, sounded or acted like me. My experiences and stories were left out. Art is global and creates change faster than any other profession. Therefore, through acting and writing, I will infiltrate mainstream consciousness and bring a different perspective and experience to the table in order to open the “closet door” to people. By opening the closet door, I will expose the world to different sides of life with the hopes of enlightening people and changing their perceptions so that at the end of the day, they learn about, accept and celebrate each other equally as human beings.

I hope to hear from some of you about your own raison d’être!

Chasing The George

Shaking The Tree!

On Friday, October 16th, I had the honor of participating in the “Shaking The Tree” series. Created by the amazingly talented actress and human being, Eileen Galindo, it is a monthly series in which invited artists gather around a table and share stories around a given theme in front of a live audience. This month’s theme was “Skeletons In The Closet” and we were given the freedom to interpret that as we saw fit.

This month’s gathering of artists included myself, actresses Patricia Richardson, Eileen Galindo, Rose Portillo and Rena Strober. Stories ranged from reconciling with family ghosts to near-death experiences to self-discovery to discovering truths about great great grandparents during the Civil War. And as diverse as we all are in terms of coming from different walks of life, it was amazing how we all bonded as each beautiful story was told. There was something healing and cathartic about hearing personal slices of people’s lives. We all connected to at least one thing in every story that was shared. By the end of the night, we felt closer. We had a human experience. We connected to each other as human beings. I no longer saw Patricia Richardson of “Home Improvement” fame or Rena Strober of Broadway fame (she sang by the way and my GOD, what a VOICE!) I didn’t see Eileen and Rose of various TV series and feature films and commercials. I saw human beings.

That’s the beauty of art. Art brings us all together to experience something greater than ourselves. People were moved, impinged and affected throughout the night. There were laughs, gasps, “amens”, more laughs, beautiful pregnant pauses and moments of silence, more “amens”, tears and more laughs.

And that’s the beauty and intention of the “Shaking The Tree” series: To bring people together and learn from each other. The artists and audience members were inspired and walked away with a new perspective and understanding of someone from another walk of life.

I shared an entry from my blog (the one about discovering my true voice) and I modified it somewhat to fit the theme of the evening. Something came over me when I read it in front of everyone. I felt such a moment to moment connection with everyone which was reciprocated during my story and afterwards on a break. I resonated on a high frequency level. Art. Boom.

Thank you again Eileen for the opportunity!

Chasing The George

Skeletons In The Closet
The amazingly talented actress, Eileen Galindo, invited me to be a guest storyteller for a really cool, monthly series in Downtown LA called “Shaking The Tree”. I’m really honored she considered me for it and that I get to participate in it. And it’s no accident that I received the invitation as soon as I got back from NYC. There is something to be said about outflow equaling inflow. But more specifically, directed outflow. I spent seven days in NYC shooting a feature film and I promoted this incredible opportunity with intention every single day on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I was enthusiastic, witty, clever, clearly in my element while on set. I posted two blog entries during that week as well. One blog entry focused on me heading over there and the other blog entry focused on funny things I said on set. I was on set for 12 hours a day. And so all of that powerful, directed outflow brought in this opportunity.

And as I look at the remainder of the year, I want to continue being incredibly intentional in fulfilling goals both small, medium and large.

Going back to the “Shaking The Tree” series which takes place on Friday, October 16th, this month’s theme is “Skeletons In The Closet”. Eileen is giving me and the other guest storytellers the freedom to interpret that theme–how we want–through visual media, songs, writings, etc. I know what I want to share and look forward to tweaking it over the next few days. And for me, it’s always great to share personal things through art because that’s where it has value and worth.

Upsets, secrets, liabilities, pain, darkness, etc. can (and should) be expressed through the medium of art so that it becomes both a healing and learning experience for the artist and for others who come in contact with their art. I’ve channelled a lot of my personal pain and upsets through acting, writing and dancing. My pain became works of art that affected me and others. So, it will be great to share my skeleton(s) in the closet in an artistic way for an audience.

If you’re interested in attending, please click on the link below for more info!

All my best,

Jorge

Link:

https://www.facebook.com/events/901783659916073/

Funny Things I Said On Set

Chasing The George

Shooting a feature film in NYC has been wonderful. From on-location shoots at Radio City Music Hall to iconic fashion photographer Francesco Scavullo’s three-story townhouse on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, this experience has only reinforced my love for being an artist. I am truly grateful and I want more. I will have more.

And in a massive city filled with millions of people everywhere, it was amazing to see how much I stood out. At first, I thought it was because I wore an LA hat. Then, I quickly realized it was because of who I am. My spirit, my life force, my joy of what I do and who I am. Many people were intimidated, inspired and drawn to me. My influence wasn’t just limited to the world of LA. So witnessing my impact on others confirmed even more the power I have as an artist and how I can truly change the world.

And since this blog is about my weekly experiences as an artist, I thought it would be cool to share with you some of the funny things I said on set. Enjoy! And see you soon LA!

I said on set:

“Okay!”

“Okaaaayy!”

“Hold on, I’m still putting on my strap on.”
————-

Lead Actor: “I read a book that started with the line, "Joe inserted his big black dick inside her taunty pussy.”

Me: “Do you still own that book?”
————-

“I would eat that salmon all night long.”

“Okaaaayy!”

“Shake it, bitch!”

“I thought she was spelling ‘Dietrich’, as in ‘Marlene Dietrich’”
————-

As we’re getting shuttled to the next location, I sat next to a crew member in an Infiniti SUV:

Crew member: “Ouch, your ass bone just poked me.”

Me: “That’s not my bone.”
————-

“I’ve been told that I’m the size of a baby’s arm.”
————-

A crew member looks at the hashtags I used on an Instagram post:

Sound Operator: “Hashtag Gay Mexico?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m international.”
————-

“You think I’m going to pay $40 million for a townhouse on the Upper East Side of Manhattan only to look out at all of this horrid, loud, nasty traffic?! Get the hell out of here!”

“Okaaaayy!”
————-

Me: “Sorry, I keep digging into your butt.”

Director of Photography: “I don’t mind.”
————-

“Okaaaayy!”

“He’s in the Bronx where he belongs.”

“Not today, Satan, not today.”

“Okaaaayy!”
————-

Towards the last day of filming, I walked around in a red towel because NYC got hit by a tropical rain storm and my pants had gotten wet.

Crew Member: It looks like you’re walking around in a bath house.

Me: We’re all family at this point.
————-

“Okaaaayy!”

Chasing The George

Filming In NYC.

One of my goals for 2015 was to shoot on location. Cut to September 26th and I am landing in JFK Airport to shoot a feature film. Saturday was spent with immediate family and the BROOKLYN accents were strong, alive and representing. Quick first-day timeline for your amusement:

4:45am Running out of the building like a mad man to catch the car to the airport. I became that asshole who runs late. I guess I got caught up listening to the original Broadway cast recording of “Little Shop of Horrors” while I was getting ready.

4:47am As we drive down Hollywood Blvd., I start getting a little sad. The first thing that pops into my head is, “I’m gonna miss all the stores that sell stripper/hooker attire.”

4:55am After getting over my sadness and getting excited for my work-cation, I can’t resist the urge to log onto Lavendr and start swiping left and right. I say to myself, “Hey, you never know. Maybe I’ll find Mr. Right before I fly down to NYC.”

5:07am We pick up another passenger. Last name, Dong. I thought she said “Dung”. Look, I’ve had 3 hours of sleep each night for the last seven days…

5:12am. We’re driving south on Highland Ave. and through the beautiful neighborhood of Hancock Park. I wonder if Hancock Park resident Shonda Rhimes is up?

5:26am I have nothing to write about.

5:30am We drive into LAX. When I see the large LAX letters to my left, I think of the “Lost” episode titled “LA X”.

5:48am A cute TSA agent pats me down. This is most likely the only action I’m getting while in NYC.

5:56am I’m starving. It’s time to eat. I’m ready for the overpriced everything. Burger King is definitely not an option unless you want me shitting all the way to NYC.

5:59am I realize I’m wearing an LA hat. I’m so literal.

6am Waiting in line to purchase a water and a simple turkey sandwich. This is the best LAX can offer at the moment.

6:01am $12.81 later for a water and a simple turkey sandwich. Give me a God-damn break. Two words: Write off.

6:05am How is it possible that in 2015 there aren’t any electrical outlets to plug my iPhone into?

6:15am A two-year old cries. Please don’t be on my flight. Please don’t be on my flight. I immediately quote Frank Underwood from “House of Cards”, “I’m not going to lie. I despise children. There, I’ve said it.”

6:26am I get emotional for three seconds because the last time I flew to NYC, I did so with my ex. This time, I’m flying by myself.

6:40am Time to drop the kids off. I’m very particular. I pack baby wipes. And I’m very thorough. Very thorough.

6:55am I place a call to my mom to check in with her.

7:06am Getting ready to board the plane. We are scheduled to depart at 7:30am and arrive in NYC at 3:55pm. Upon first glance, it seems like a long flight. But it’s due to the time difference. In other words, when our plane takes off, it’s 10:30am in NYC. And the two-year old is not on this flight. Thank God.

7:15am Selfie time. One take only as I hate selfies. This picture will kick off today’s blog entry. Not bad considering I’ve been sleeping three hours each night for the past seven days…and I’m hung over (Boom!) Thank you Sayaka Miyatani for the bottle of champagne!

7:30am Time to sleep!

This is where my iPhone shifted into Central Time:

11:15am I get up to stretch my legs and use the bathroom. I walk dizzily down the aisle towards the bathroom. I am definitely hung over (Boom!)

11:32am I can’t fall back to sleep because the guy across from me is absolutely gorgeous. I’m marveling over how immaculately groomed his facial hair is. Till this day, I still don’t know how to keep my facial hair on point.

1:35pm I wake up. I guess I WAS able to fall asleep again. I fall back asleep.

This is where my iPhone shifted into Eastern Time:

3:42pm I wake up and become emotional when I see Lower Manhattan and the new World Trade Center building. I’ve never seen the magnificence of this building before in person.

3:55pm I grab my carry-on luggage and exit the plane. My brother-in-law picks me up in his fabulous BMW (I joked to him that I felt like I was receiving the Hollywood treatment by being picked up in a BMW.)

And the rest of the day was catching up with family–refer to the first paragraph 🙂

I look forward to filming on location!

Chasing The George

How I Recently Won A Year-Long Scholarship.

“In one compelling photo, show us where you will display your Oscar.“

This was the August 2015 challenge for a year-long scholarship prize to Dallas Travers’ Thriving Artist Circle program. Dallas Travers is an expert in the field of marketing, branding and career administration. I have been on her email list for at least two years and I love receiving her tips and video blogs. When I received this challenge, I immediately became compelled to answer it. My instincts told me to act now. To do it now. Intention without hesitation. I put together my answer with enthusiasm and passion. I was giddy like a young school boy. It took me 20 minutes from inception of my idea to me hitting the submit button on my submission. 20 minutes. I was so proud of myself for not getting caught up in a perfection syndrome (e.g. It has to be perfect; my answer has to be just right; I can’t submit anything until all conditions are perfect; etc.) I wanted my submission to come from a place that was raw and visceral, from a place of spontaneity and impulse.

My blog is a weekly chronicling of my journey as an artist and any advice I can dispense from the lessons I learn. "Chasing The George” was influenced by “Chasing The Ambulance”–a term used to describe people who drive behind ambulances in emergency mode because these ambulances cut through traffic with intention and purpose. Week to week, I hope to cut through with intention and purpose in my career. And immediately responding to the August 2015 challenge was an example of “Chasing The George”.

On September 8th, I received a notification that my submission was selected as the winner. I am looking forward to supplementing and enhancing my artistic journey with additional career administration tools, tips, advice and encouragement.

Above is the picture I submitted and below is the essay that accompanied my picture submission. I dedicate this win (and my future Oscar win) to my Richard Lawson Studios family.

“I’m already getting emotional writing about this. This looks like an ordinary carpet in an ordinary room with a bunch of items on it. However, this room is located at the acting studio I train at, The Richard Lawson Studios. And the sneakers you see in the upper part of the photo belong to a couple of classmates sitting in their chairs. In this particular room, standing on this very carpet, I have grown and changed as a person and as an artist. This is where I come every week to rejuvenate and be reminded that my dreams don’t have expiration dates. That it is wonderful to dream big and go after my dreams. My teacher and my classmates have seen my wins, my lessons, my growth, my laughs, my tears, my disappointments, the times I wanted to give up and the times that I fought hard to continue on my journey. In this particular room, standing on this very carpet, I have learned to become a better person, a better actor, a better writer, a better filmmaker, career administration and to understand and implement technology. I have walked across this carpet at least 1,000 times in different pairs of shoes, different hair cuts, different clothing styles, healthy, sick, etc…and I can’t wait to walk across the red carpet into the Dolby Theatre. I would leave my Oscar in this room because the people in it have been instrumental to my life.”

Care-Fronting My Director

Chasing The George

Last Sunday, I posted a blog entry that revealed how a brave 15-year-old inspired me to reclaim my love for singing: http://wp.me/p8uI5M-3d. One of the actions I listed to reclaim my love for singing was to care-front the director of “A Chorus Line” with a clean, blame-free communication which addressed an event that made me give up singing for many years afterwards.

I composed a Facebook message that same Sunday night. FIVE MINUTES LATER,
she wrote back! What she wrote blew my mind and made me emotional.
Below is what she wrote:

“I am very moved and blown away by your message and it brought me to tears. I am going to listen to your songs tomorrow because it’s late right now and I was actually in
bed on my way to sleep when your message came in. I will write you back
more too.

But let me just say this tonight. You WERE right for Richie and you did a FABULOUS job with the role. Just because you couldn’t hit a couple of notes doesn’t mean that it wasn’t the right part for you. And you are right, as a director I look to put on the best show and sometimes that means tweaking some things a bit. Many shows I’ve directed have had modifications of some sort. It’s creating a work of art that is molded to its perfection.

You would make an awesome Emcee. I directed that show as well. Love that song you
mentioned and I am looking forward to hearing you sing it.

More to be shared tomorrow. ACL will always hold found memories – you made it special with the rest of the cast. I am very proud to have brought such an incredible piece of work to the stage!

So here’s a little more to add to my message that I wrote to you late last night. I do remember the incident that you referenced in your message after I reassigned some of Richie’s vocals to NAME (I, Jorge, removed his name)  On a personal level, I felt very bad making that decision, but as you said and I agreed, I did it for the show. I recall that we were moving close to production week and sitting in the back of the auditorium looking at the line and seeing an open space. I didn’t realize who was missing at first, and then our assistant manager told me it was you … that you were upset and went to the restroom. I realized it had bothered you very much and I felt bad. When I directed Cabaret, I had to pull an entire song from the fellow who played Cliff. It just wasn’t working for him. The song is often struck from the show, so it really didn’t impact the run of the show. But it made me feel really bad as well, but it was for the good of the show.

I see now that you will be directing some music videos. I don’t know your other directorial experiences, but I would imagine that you have had to make some tough decisions as well. And if you haven’t, you will more than likely come across times when you will. You know the saying … “it’s lonely at the top.” Well, it’s true.

I’ve listened to the links that you sent me and I’ve read your blog about Juliet and how she inspired you. Very well written piece. The vocals are wonderful and you are a very talented singer. I’m sorry that the experience in ACL impacted your choice not to further your singing career. Don’t know if you knew this, but you were not the only male with dark skin (who auditioned for “A Chorus Line”) I will still go by what I said before …you were a fabulous Richie!

So, without rambling any more, I’ll close by saying I wish you well in all your future endeavors in the entertainment world, whatever they may be. I like reading your FB posts. I have a VHS tape of our ACL show … and I’d be happy to make you a DVD
of it … if you would like. Just let me know. Again … wishing you well.“

The exchange we had really created a powerful sense of resolution and closure for me. I can move on cleanly and powerfully from this. The event I experienced many years ago no longer has a hold on me. I hope that my experience inspires you to care-front someone or something in your life right now. Because the biggest lesson I learned from all of this is to DO IT NOW. I had a failed purpose with singing for MANY years. That could have been easily avoided if only I had handled this immediately. Do it now. Handle it now. Don’t wait to take care of something.

How A 15-Year Old Inspired Me

Chasing The George

I witnessed something so beautiful, courageous and moving in my scene study class this past Thursday. So much so that it inspired today’s blog post.

A very talented and beautiful 15-year old actress named Juliet started scene study class about a month ago. I actually interviewed her and was blown away by her maturity and clarity with what she wanted as an artist. Her attitude was great and I knew she was a “yes” in my book to be a part of the Richard Lawson Studios.

This past Thursday, she did a Song & Dance exercise in class. The Song & Dance exercise is drawn from Milton Katselas’ book, “Acting Class: Take A Seat”. This is the book we use to understand the acting approach at this studio. The point of this exercise is to get the student present and relaxed so that they are emotionally available. This exercise combines singing and dancing as tools to break down and free the student from ticks, nervous movements, tension, habits…basically anything that will prevent the student from experiencing the emotions that are underneath. And experiencing emotions can only happen if the student is absolutely relaxed. This exercise is great for understanding how to be relaxed in a performance or for a close up on camera.

This exercise is not about being a great singer. And many people already have a button or a consideration about singing for a VARIETY of reasons. I have seen people flinch from this exercise just because they did not want to sing in front of an audience. Juliet got up on stage and as she began singing, she broke down into tears. The tears continued throughout most of the exercise, sometimes to the point of hyperventilation. However, under the masterful and nurturing supervision of our teacher that night, Doug Spearman, he was able to keep her present and to push through the tears.

My heart went out to her, but at the same time, I was quietly rooting for her. As was everyone else in the room. We were all on her side. We were her cheerleaders. The reason she inspired me and this blog entry is because of the courage she had. To be 15 years old, to be a teen, is not an easy thing: Peer pressure, hormonal changes, demanding school work, etc. But despite all of that, she had the courage to stand in front of a group of adults and work her way through her Song & Dance. She could have run away. She could have quit halfway through the exercise. She could have not shown up to class. But she showed up and she kept fighting through to the end.

And I said to myself, “If she has the courage to sing, then I should too.” Why? Because I love to sing. Music is a big part of my life. But I buried my love for singing a long time ago. Which is a shame because I grew up doing musicals. My senior year in high school, I was cast as Tulsa in “Gypsy”. “Gypsy” is my second favorite musical of all time. I worked my ass off in rehearsals. At home, I would rehearse my song, my lines and all the dance numbers for HOURS. I wanted to put out the best product possible.

The show ran for several performances and we had sold out audiences each night. On the final night, one of the drama teachers told me that I was so excellent and professional in the role, that I could be on Broadway right now. He said my performance was Broadway-level. That same night, after we took our final bows, the director of the production introduced me to an agent that was blown away by my work. He gave me his card and I set up a time to meet with him. The agent really liked me and represented me. I was now signed to one of the top agencies in NYC. One of the biggest auditions he sent me out for was “The Lion King” on Broadway.

I knew musical theater was my path. I applied to different musical theater conservatories during my senior year in high school and got into prestigious programs at the Tisch School of the Arts and Syracuse University. In the end, I decided to go to Vassar College. During my freshman year at Vassar, I auditioned for a major, off-campus production of “A Chorus Line”. This is my favorite musical of all time and I could not believe how fortuitous it was that they were holding auditions for it. And I loved that it was a production outside of Vassar because it felt more legitimate and important. In other words, real-world experience.

The first round of auditions included a singing and dancing component. I believe I also performed a monologue. I knew I wanted the role of Paul (the soft-spoken, gay, Puerto Rican dancer) I got a callback and read for Paul! I really thought that I had Paul in the bag. When they finally cast the show, I got in! But I was cast as Richie instead (the more street, sassier, dynamic black dancer) I soon figured out that the only reason I got cast as Richie was because I was the darkest person who auditioned for the production. So on one hand, I wasn’t too disappointed because Richie is a great character and I got CAST in “A Chorus Line”. But on the other hand, I was disappointed because he’s not my casting. Plus, his solo numbers are WAY TOO HIGH for me to sing. As soon as I got cast as Richie, I knew that his solos would be a struggle.

Rehearsals began and I was doing great on the acting and dancing fronts. We were doing the Broadway choreography for most of the show and I loved it. On the singing front, I was doing really well in the group numbers. We rehearsed for five months straight and I was also balancing a full, demanding course load at Vassar. When rehearsals finally began on my solos, I struggled. I tried hard not to freak out when I was not hitting the high notes. Richie has two solos in “And” and “Gimme The Ball”. “And” was just painful and “Gimme The Ball” was okay. My confidence started to decrease every time we would rehearse those solos. And man did I try. I really gave it my all.

About three months into rehearsals, the director pulled me to the side and told me that she was giving my “And” solo to another person. She knew I was struggling with it and was looking out for the production as a whole. I remember being crushed. It felt like I had been shot in the chest. If anyone knows me, I work my ass off. And so to have something taken away from me was devastating. I walked away from her and locked myself in the bathroom. I sat down on the floor and cried my eyes out. It took her 20 minutes to finally convince me to come out.

Another reason why it took me so long to finally come out of the bathroom was because I didn’t want to confront the entire cast. I knew that today’s rehearsal was starting right after the opening number, “I Hope I Get It”. That meant that the 19 potential dancers we follow throughout the show were already lined up on stage and facing out into the audience. All of them, plus the musical director, were waiting for me to get out of the bathroom. The bathroom was at the back of the theater. I was like, “Oh fuck. On top of this awful news, I now have to walk down the aisle towards the stage with everyone looking at me and knowing what just happened.” So, I braced myself, opened the bathroom door, and with my eyes blood-shot red from crying, I marched down the aisle with my head up high. With everyone looking at me from the stage, the walk down the aisle felt like an eternity. I finally walked up the stage and passed by the person who now had my solo. I gave him a death stare and he took two steps back (He later confessed to me that he was afraid to talk to me for a while because he thought I was going to kill him.)

I was only 17 years old. I was incredibly young and vulnerable. I was the youngest person in a cast of adults. I felt invalidated. I felt that my singing voice was no good. I felt like I failed. I got a taste of the real world and had no support system to help me up. Rehearsals continued and I worked even harder to make sure nothing else was taken away from me. The show opened in May and we were sold out every single night. My “Gimme The Ball” solo had improved, but it was still something I did not have complete confidence with. One night, after a performance, a representative from a major record label approached one of my cast mates and gave him his card. I remember being jealous and hurt because I knew that I had worked harder than him on every level. But because he was a better singer, the record label representative approached him instead. So, I was even more convinced that I was a terrible singer (Ignoring of course that the record label rep did NOT approach any of the other fantastic singers in the production as well.)

In the end, my dream show turned into a bittersweet experience. I had wins with it on the dancing, acting and singing levels, but not with my solo numbers. After “A Chorus Line” ended, I never did musical theater again.

Looking back at all these years, I’ve only sung a few times in public. And it sucks because music is a big part of my life. I love music. I believe I was a pop star in another life. I would love to have a career like Madonna, Jennifer Lopez or Justin Timberlake (modern-day artists who act, sing and dance) What a wonderful fusion of disciplines!

I recorded one of my favorite songs recently in one take (“The Girl and the Robot” by Röyksopp featuring Robyn) and was really pleased with what I heard. I was like, “Wow, that’s me????” I even uploaded the song onto Youtube, but I didn’t want to share it with anyone. I totally flinched. But for fuck’s sake! Why?! I have a good voice. I got into conservatories for musical theater, I had a great agent in NYC, I was auditioning for Broadway. But I experienced such a loss with “A Chorus Line” that it wiped out all of my previous statistics and influenced the rest of my life.

But when I heard “The Girl and the Robot”, I realized how much I love to sing. And that I can sing. What I experienced with “A Chorus Line” does not mean I can’t sing. It was just WRONG casting. Which is why CASTING is so fucking important. If you’re cast in the wrong role, you don’t have a chance to shine. You don’t hum like fine crystal because the role doesn’t fit you like a glove. Wrong casting means that you could potentially walk away from the experience with a tremendous sense of loss. An actor cannot play every role out there. A singer cannot sing every song out there. I shine best as a singer when it’s the right casting and in the right genre of music. I can’t compare myself to other singers. I have to embrace my unique voice and maximize that in the right arenas.

I had a similar experience with acting. I almost quit acting when I was new to LA. I got an agent and they turned out to be really good. They got me out on a lot of auditions…for gang bangers, cholos and prisoners. They saw that I was a Latino male with a buzz cut, and because I didn’t understand the concept of driving my own career bus at the time, I let them call the shots. They sent me out on so many big TV auditions and I would be in the waiting rooms with people who actually looked like they just got out of jail. I worked as hard as I could to be those guys, but it’s just not in my nature. It’s not my CASTING. I would leave each audition feeling okay about my performance, but never with a feeling of a SLAM DUNK. I started getting discouraged and thought that I couldn’t act.

Finally, I stopped the madness and took control of my career. I got real clear with my agency about my casting and what I could play. Once they heard me, I started going out for things that I could really play. And I started producing winning results. Today, I would not accept the role of Richie. I’m clearer on my casting.

Seeing Juliet in her Song & Dance inspired me to action. Seeing her cry at the age of 15 reminded me of ME crying at the age of 17. The only difference is that she is part of an incredible community of people who will support her and hold her up. I wish I had artistic supporters when my event occurred. Things could have turned out differently for me. If Juliet at 15, starting out brand new with acting, could have the courage to cry through her Song & Dance in front of a room of seasoned, trained, professional adults, then who the fuck am I to keep hiding my own singing?

So here is what I am doing to take action. And I hope that my actions will inspire you to reconnect with something you have let go of or something you have a failed purpose on.

1) I am including links to two songs I recorded in one take. The first song is “The Girl and the Robot” and the second song is the ending of “I Don’t Care Much” from “Cabaret”. I LOVE the role of the Emcee. It’s one of my dream roles. But because I had such a failed purpose on singing, I heard “I Don’t Care Much” and freaked out over how high the ending part was. I was so convinced I was a bad singer that I could never sing the song. Every time I tried to sing it, I failed. Until two weeks ago, I finally said fuck it. I’m going to nail this ending part. I gave it my all and the notes came out…beautifully. I shared “I Don’t Care Much” with my good friend Lindsay Hopper and she said, “Dude…You need to sing more…WTF? Why do you hide that?”

2) How do I move forward to destroy this failed purpose? Do I sing songs in scene study class? What are my current castings in musical theater? What other genres could my particular voice shine best in? Do I begin vocal training to rebuild my voice? Do I sit down and figure out how to incorporate singing into my overall picture and business plan as an artist? Where does singing now fit in, if any, within the bigger picture of my career?

3) I am going to send a Facebook message to the director of “A Chorus Line” to finally address what kind of impact that event had on me. Writing a letter or sending an email communication, without blame or anger, is an effective tool that I have learned at the studio to handle something. It worked beautifully for me before on another occasion and so I am excited to do it again. In the message, I will let her know how I’m doing and that I hope she’s doing well. I will let her know why I’m writing, how the event affected me and what I’m doing now to reclaim my love for singing. And I’ll end the communication by sharing the two links with her as well and wishing her the best.

I look forward to sharing with you all how action number three turns out.

And thank you Juliet for your bravery and inspiration.

Here are the songs I recorded in one take:

The Girl And The Robot: https://youtu.be/ItV-n4iMSAc

I Don’t Care Much: https://youtu.be/81uwLM7mRSM

Onward and forward.